Finding Joy & Gratitude Through a Devastating Diagnosis
Always Find Joy! Joy in each new day and in creating a life full of purpose. Yes, there are days I'd like to crawl back under the covers, hit the reset button and start all over again, but the joy comes with the realization I've lived another day.
As I was searching through my unpublished blogs I found these words. It was the start of my New Years Resolution blog. Yes, I'm a procrastinator, and that's as far as I got, and little did I know how poignant these words would become.
Navigating cancer was never a journey on my bucket list. Hearing the words "it's malignant", "you have anal cancer", "squamous cell carcinoma", can leave you speechless and bring you to tears. I remember keeping my cool and telling the Doctor "well this calls for a few margaritas!" I left the office thinking I'm one tough chic. After all, I took on breast cancer and won, I've got this too. It's been a crazy, bumpy ride, but along the way gifts are given.
Treatment would be the Nigro Protocol, six weeks of daily radiation with a few rounds of chemo thrown in at the beginning and the end. It's not like you see on those medical shows where you get a diagnosis and you're immediately getting chemo. I felt like a ticking time bomb during the 33 days of planning, but finally, like a kid on the first day in a new school I went into battle ready, anxious, and terrified. A girl's gotta accessorize and my Fight Bag, a gift from my daughter, became my new best friend. An adult diaper bag filled with crackers, mints, baby wipes, barf bags, and even a change of clothes.
Wake Up, Kick Ass, Sleep, Repeat! For six months that was my life. Other than the three hour round trip to the Cancer Center I rarely left the house. There were many days I allowed myself a pity party, but kept the guest list to me, myself, and I. Gratitude, joy & cancer -- words that aren't meant to go together, an oxymoron of sorts. But if I dug deep enough I found joy, gratitude and hope in the simple, everyday moments. For now it's over and I have so much to be thankful for.
Grateful for family and friends, brilliant scientists, great medical insurance, and freedom from this disease. Grateful I'm the one who faced cancer, and not one of my children. Thankful my husband was able to drive me to treatment everyday. Joy when my kids took time from their jobs and traveled to my ringing of the bell party! My hair never completely fell out, but there was joy in trying on wigs. Even just a little hair peeking out from the hats made them so much cuter. Grateful that the excrutiating radiation burns eventually subsided and are now a distant memory. Hopeful that my body is still healing and the annoying side effects of treatment will eventually go away. And with joy I fit into my skinny jeans again, even if it’s only temporary!
It's not the most glamorous of cancers. We typically don't talk about that part of our anatomy. We never want to fart in public, and can we ever really trust it's just a fart! Humor has taken on a whole new meaning. I'm still facing my fears and pushing myself out of my comfort zone to speak openly about this disease. I over analyze every social media post so putting this out there is a big deal for me. If it touches one life in a positive way, convinces one person to stop ignoring their symptoms, it will be worth the all the anxiety.
If you would like to go back to the start of my journey visit my earlier blogs The Hairapist - Never Underestimate Their Super Powers! and Prom - What Would You Tell Your High School Self?
There is always something to be thankful for. Look for the tiny miracles in each new day.
24 Comments
Nov 15, 2018, 8:35:07 AM
Deborah Doran - Thanks Judi! Miss you and that wonderful city of Fort Smith. So many great areas for photo backdrops! I'm hoping one day a road trip will take us through your city and we can get together again!!
Nov 14, 2018, 7:46:18 PM
Judi McIntosh - Wow, we have really lost contact, you are an amazing and special lady. Not only an ace photographer but an excellent writer and one kick ass woman. Hugs to you.
Nov 14, 2018, 5:53:31 PM
Deborah Doran - Thanks Carrie. Your words and support mean a lot!
Nov 14, 2018, 8:54:04 AM
Carrie - Dear Debbie so very proud of you. Your strength and grace through the tough walk with cancer is inspiring. PROUD of you and sharing your story is so valuable to others on that tough road.
Nov 13, 2018, 4:21:56 PM
Deborah Doran - Thank you Joan. It's been a long journey, but we made it!
Nov 13, 2018, 7:38:34 AM
Joan Najbar - Powerful work , thank you for sharing your healing story.
Nov 9, 2018, 8:31:52 AM
Deborah Doran - Thanks April. You inspire me with your go getter attitude and your never ending supply of energy. Must be the french fries:)
Nov 9, 2018, 8:30:43 AM
Deborah Doran - Eight years - woohoo!! Yes, never thought I'd get past the side effects but they are pretty blurry in the mirror these days. Thanks!
Nov 8, 2018, 6:17:47 PM
April - Deborah you are a great person with a big heart! I can tell!. Amazing blogger!
Nov 8, 2018, 6:06:53 PM
Debbie Lovell - Your humor and your positive attitude are so admirable, this will be soon in your rear view window and you will move on! The day I got my dreaded call was 8/16/2010 and it has become smaller and smaller within in your view....you'll see! ❤️
Nov 8, 2018, 4:29:40 PM
Deborah Doran - Thanks Suzanne. Yes, the hair is still in experimental stages! Love you too!
Nov 8, 2018, 12:50:15 PM
Suzanne - I love this... and I love you. Go blonde!
Nov 8, 2018, 10:59:44 AM
Deborah Doran - Thanks Diane. I appreciate the support you've given through this journey.
Nov 8, 2018, 10:58:56 AM
Deborah Doran - Thank you Diane. Yes, glad we finally met!
Nov 7, 2018, 8:24:49 PM
Diane Wise - I’m proud of you for stepping out with courage to share your story! You are an inspiration and you never know who needs to hear this! I’m thankful for our friendship!
Nov 7, 2018, 3:12:05 PM
Diane Draper - Thanks for sharing such a personal battle!! Love the photos Deb! You are beautiful!
Nov 7, 2018, 11:31:46 AM
Deborah Doran - Thank you Carolyn.
Nov 7, 2018, 8:36:20 AM
Carolyn Atkinson - I hade no idea you were battling this invasive disease. Please know I am sending you love and light. ❤️
Nov 7, 2018, 8:02:08 AM
Deborah Doran - Right back at your Paula!!
Nov 7, 2018, 8:01:37 AM
Deborah Doran - Thanks Jean. Rekindling old friendships is a great part of the celebration!
Nov 7, 2018, 8:00:50 AM
Deborah Doran - Thanks Quinetta. Definitely a boo hoo moment when hair started falling out so wig modeling provided some humor.
Nov 7, 2018, 5:09:02 AM
Jean - Sweet moments of glee - thank you for sharing your life. It has been a pleasure Celebrate wholeheartedly!
Nov 6, 2018, 8:53:32 PM
Paula - Such a wonderful spirit!!! Debbie I am definitely proud to call you my friend ❤️
Nov 6, 2018, 8:35:43 PM
Quinetta - This is raw and wonderful. I especially enjoyed the wig pictures. :) Thank you for sharing.